Well, life is too weird. What can I say.
Who would have thought it was so difficult to trust a man again? I begin to see I was really damaged by my failed marraige. I like to say all my trust circuits are burnt out, but I just noticed how terribly true that is. I hope I am capable of someday trusting whole heartedly and simplemindedly again. Right now I am not capable.
I finished taking a Project Management class today, I slept through half the class and got a 92 on the final exam. That should tell you how valuable the class was.....n't.
I have good children. But they will grow up and maybe they will go away. One already did.
I also have a good cat. But she is old and sometime probably within the next 7 years she will go away too. Each year that goes by, the risk of her going away increases.
I face a risk that I will end up living alone.
What can I do to mitigate this risk?
- Get another cat
- Get married
Which mitigation strategy costs less money?
This is a no-brainer. Get another cat.
Which mitigation strategy will have a greater impact on my life?
This is also a no brainer. Get married.
Which solution would I rather pursue?
Now we are getting into the problem area. I tend to think I would rather do both.
Is the risk of being alone an acceptable risk? Should I do nothing about it?
If I do nothing about it, it is definite that I will eventually be alone. Is it likely that this will bother me?
Let's look at the historical data. I have been alone from time to time when both my kids were away. The cat was with me. The cat's presence did not help at all. I felt terrible. But let's analyze the situation a little. Was I lonely because I was alone for the night, or was I lonely because I missed the babies?
If it is simply that I missed the babies, then my problem is Mama Hormones. I can handle being alone. It depends on what mood I am in. In one mood, I crave to be alone. In another mood, the emptiness of the house makes me crazy.
At this point, then, I will do nothing about the risk of ending up alone. I am not convinced, yet, that I need to do anything.
People are always talking about finding themselves. They say you should spend time alone and get to know yourself. I do not think I have every really REALLY spent time alone. Maybe I don't even know myself. I am not sure about that. Maybe I do know myself, very very well, and maybe that's why I don't feel the need to spend time alone.
I wonder where C. hides the toilet paper.
Anyway, I'll think about it tomorrow.
--Scarlett O'Hara